The other day, there was a tweet on Twitter, courtesy of Frum TikTok. It read:
A Jewish mother took her son for a haircut to Broadway Barber Shop in Fair Lawn, NJ. She instructed the barber not to cut her son’s peyos (sidelocks).
Moments later, the boy was in tears as the barber immediately cut off his peyos on one side. His mother screamed at him to stop and he ignored her.
She went to the owner to demand he tell the barber to stop. The owner spoke to the barber in Arabic and seconds later the barber cut off the peyos on the other side of his head. Below is the mother's full post on Facebook:
Dear friends, I want to raise awareness and share a disturbing event that happened to us on Sunday in Fairlawn. It took me A LOT of courage to share this and I'm not looking to be pitied, but I will not be silent, neither should you.
On Sunday, I took my 11-year-old son to "Broadway Barber Shop" in Fairlawn. I was in the area and looked for a place with good reviews, and this place had RAVING reviews, 4.9 stars, so I didn't think twice and went in there. As a religious Jew, we have laws of how to cut our boy's hair- the "Payes" (sideburns) that you see our boys using are not for fashion- it is a basic law in our religion that the sideburns cannot be trimmed above the cheekbone, so we make sure to keep them long to the bone.
I've been to at least 20 barber shops/hair salons in Bergen County- NEVER HAD AN ISSUE WITH THIS!
When we walked into The "Broadway Barbershop", I already felt some tension, the owner was not welcoming to us, but I thought it was all in my head and also because I was the only woman there. We waited for our turn, and the owner seemed very friendly with the other customers, he was chatting with them and giving a very professional service. You could tell that both barbers had great experience- even the guy who was there with long hair got a nice long haircut!
When it was my son's turn, I explained to the barber very well what haircut we wanted, and specifically explained NOT to cut the sideburns. I showed him a picture and pointed with my finger as to how long we wanted the sideburns to be, he smiled said yes, and nodded in agreement.
A few minutes later my son started tearing up and calling me, the Barber went and trimmed off his sideburns completely in a matter of seconds. I immediately asked him to stop, but he kept on going and ignoring me! I called the owner and asked him to talk to the barber, he spoke to him in Arabic and the barber just went to the other side and trimmed that side even shorter! They were smiling at each other, and my son was crying and feeling violated, I yelled at the barber to just stop but he kept going, so I grabbed my son with a half haircut to get up, the guys barely apologized and we both got out of there in tears.
FYI: This is a kind of assault that they used in Nazi Germany, chopping off Jews sideburns. I never dreamed I'd be in this situation in a safe NJ town in the USA. FOR GOD'S SAKE MY SON IS 11 YEARS OLD, A CHILD!!!!!! He could not get himself to go to school the next day because of all the shame and embarrassment he felt, this was the first time he had his Payes shaved off!
You should all be aware that this happened in Bergen County- PLEASE HELP STOP THE HATE! To my Jewish Fellows: Hopefully you're not as naive as I am, DO NOT TAKE A CHANCE at going into unknown territories like I did! These guys did something that they can't be charged for, but they knew very well what they were doing, and the pain they caused us! I am sure they enjoyed every moment of it!
Antisemitism is still happening, please report to the police, ADL, and Jewish Federation even the smallest events. ANITI-JEW HATRED SHOULD NOT BE TOLERATED. PERIOD.
It was accompanied by photos:
The aftermath of the story is that the Fair Lawn police presided over a sit down discussion between parties, which the police summarized as coming to the conclusion that it was all a misunderstanding. That it was a misunderstanding (e.g. due to language difficulties) seems possibly true, or possibly not untrue. Soon after, the original Facebook post came down.
There are some interesting halachot in the Mishnah and gemara about getting haircuts from non-Jews. The cultural background and attitudes might transfer to modern days, though could apply more or less given specific groups of people involved. Recall also that the barber had access to a razor blade. In medieval Europe, there was also the barber-surgeon who did bloodletting. In Talmudic times, I think the bloodletter (uman) was a separate job.
In Avodah Zarah 29a, there’s a Mishnah vs. a brayta:
ואין מסתפרין מהן בכל מקום: ת"ר ישראל המסתפר מעובד כוכבים רואה במראה ועובד כוכבים המסתפר מישראל כיון שהגיע לבלוריתו שומט את ידו
§ The mishna teaches: And one may not have his hair cut by gentiles anywhere. The Sages taught in a baraita: A Jew who has his hair cut by a gentile should observe the gentile’s actions in a mirror while he cuts his hair. And in the case of a gentile who has his hair cut by a Jew, when the Jew reaches the gentile’s forelock he removes his hand and does not cut it, because it is associated with idol worship.
So the brayta relaxes the rules of the Mishnah, where one closely supervises. The gemara then delineates rules about a public domain vs. a private domain:
אמר מר ישראל המסתפר מעובד כוכבים רואה במראה היכי דמי אי ברשות הרבים ל"ל מראה ואי ברשות היחיד כי רואה מאי הוי לעולם ברה"י וכיון דאיכא מראה מתחזי כאדם חשוב
The Master said: A Jew who has his hair cut by a gentile should observe the gentile’s actions in a mirror. The Gemara asks: What are the circumstances of this case? If it is referring to a haircut performed in a public domain, why do I need a mirror? After all, the gentile will not harm a Jew in public. And if it occurs in a private domain, even if the Jews observes the gentile’s actions, what of it? How does the fact that the Jew is watching prevent the gentile barber from harming him? The Gemara explains: Actually, this is referring to a haircut in a private domain, but since there is a mirror in place, the Jew appears as an important person whom the gentile will hesitate to attack.
A private barbershop, even with others around, might be considered a private domain. Or perhaps not. Regardless, here there did not seem to be any murderous intent, just a possible (though dismissed, as discussed above) motive of destroying the peyot.
There is a cultural taboo at play, and the kid is reasonably embarrassed. Still, in terms of any violation on the part of the mother or under-bar mitzvah kid, there certainly doesn’t seem to be any culpability. The kid isn’t obligated; the mother is female and isn’t obligated; there was no mesaye’a = aiding and abetting by moving his head in a specific way to assist the barber in doing it; there was no shlichut / agency, as the barber did something contrary to the mother and son’s desires. This was somewhat reminiscent of Rav Huna’s wife, Chiva, and the haircut given to Rav Huna’s kids.
See my posts about that starting here: